![]() I’m learning every day and I’ll never stop learning. But, I don’t hate myself for it like I used to. I make more mistakes some days than when I first started out. I still make mistakes now, I’m only human. I’m really very proud of myself and of She Who Bakes. I’m far from perfect though. It’s now a few years later and here I am. Joys which I would have never experienced if I quit when it felt like everything was against me. But good days too, and fantastic days, and spectacular days and days when I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. It wasn’t easy and there were bad days and bad weeks of course, some worse than the ones that led me to the park in the first place. I was the only one standing in my way and it was time to step aside. But more importantly, there was a sense of achievement I had never felt before. There were tears, there was laughter and there was being so broke that dinner was a 17p pack of noodles. So I dusted myself off and got back in the kitchen. “You’ve sacrificed so much to get here” I thought, “don’t quit.” The reality was that I had two options, give up before I’d even begun and get a ‘proper job’ or give it another go. I cried for so long in fact, I cried until I laughed. But it was those thoughts alone causing me to slip. ![]() Those thoughts spiralled so fast in my head. If you aren’t worried about it, you don’t care, and if you don’t care you don’t make money. When you are running your own business, the buck stops with you. “That’s what you have to do though, isn’t it?” I thought. I’m putting far too much pressure on myself. I’m making mistakes BECAUSE I’m stressed out. Each time I messed up, I sank deeper into doubt. I was taking every mistake as a personal failure. I went to the park to have a word with myself. “I can’t even get this right.” I thought. Pink lemonade spilled out from the metal ring and covered the entire kitchen. Serving plate and camera at the ready, I unclipped the tin and WHOOOOOSSSSSHHHHHH. So 24 hours after I left my pink lemonade cheesecake to set, I took it out of the fridge. I thought being creative would make me feel better. ![]() ![]() The week before when I had decided to create a recipe for my new blog, I had mistaken ‘pink lemonade concentrate’ for just normal pink lemonade. In the time between handing in my notice at the 9-5 and right now, my self-esteem, confidence and belief had hit an all time low. If I can’t get this right, what’s the point in trying to run a business?” Talking out loud to myself. Not the light and fluffy cupcakes expected for the Christening tomorrow. “Vanilla cupcakes are a basic staple of a baker. The second had cases peeling away and this time I had mistaken plain flour for self-raising and essentially made dry scones. The first batch had no sugar, I had simply forgot to put it in. Breathe.” I say to myself as I re-bake the batch of vanilla cupcakes for the fourth time that evening. Yet,the tasks that had once been so simple to me were becoming problematic. The last thing I wanted was to ruin my career before it had even started. Now, if I made a mistake, my reputation was on the line. There was an added pressure on me to get this perfect. The only trouble was, all of a sudden, everything was different. “Another 2am finish” I had thought just a month ago, “Something’s gotta give.” And so it did, I had taken the stupid brave decision to leave the safety of full time employment and spread my entrepreneurial wings. Before this, working a 9-5 admin role was what filled my days and baking and cake decorating for friends and family was just a hobby that filled my evenings. I had only been running my business for two weeks and already handed in notice to myself three times. Once again, I start re-writing my resume with both disappointment and regret. I can’t do it.” I open my laptop and go to the CV uploading website I had visited the previous week. “I quit.” My eyes welling up with tears, my hands shaking with frustration.
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